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Post by duckysmom on Jul 31, 2016 9:30:25 GMT -5
I thought Ducky was developing a slight preference for my BF because he gets more spoiled by him and I am the one who sets boundaries and does the training (though I try to make it fun). But BF is out of town this weekend. Ducky was extra clingy and cuddly with me since he left. Until my mom and dad came over to visit. And then I was snubbed for my dad. Dad loved it, his new best friend. I was just a bit put out. How can something so small hurt my feelings so bad? And is there any changing his preference without giving him everything he wants? Will I ever be anything more than second place? (Yes, I realize I'm a bit jealous, but I can't help it.)
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Post by cnyguy on Jul 31, 2016 20:01:11 GMT -5
Sometimes parrots do seem to prefer one gender over the other. They may also suddenly decide that someone is their new best friend-- and a few minutes later, change to someone else. I don't know that there's anything you could do differently that would make Ducky decide that you are the Number One person in his life for all time. I think that there are some other parronts here who have had similar experiences and they may have some ideas for you.
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Post by easttex on Aug 1, 2016 6:30:31 GMT -5
When I adopted Peppy, I didn't know much about him except that he had a male preference. My husband won't handle birds, so over time it was clear I became #1. Unless your bf will agree to back off for a while, I don't know that there's much to do about it, either. Even that might not change anything. I understand the hurt feelings. Hmmm, about that second bird...  |
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Post by beccilouise on Aug 1, 2016 7:55:44 GMT -5
Hey! It's always really difficult when a bird starts developing a preference for one person over another. But maintaining a strong training relationship with Ducky will really help to keep a strong relationship, even if you're not the preferred. There are ways of working with birds to encourage the way in which they bond, but you will need your bf's help and support with it. I try to look at it that our birds don't get much choice in many elements of their lives. Try to make yourself look fun, offer interesting things, make yourself desirable to be with. If Ducky sees you are fun, he will be more willing to maintain a strong relationship with you. I'm fairly certain birds can sense desperation though, so a certain level of aloofness should go into the mix  don't worry. Xx |
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Post by aaron on Aug 1, 2016 9:45:14 GMT -5
I feel for you-- This can definitely be a challenging situation. To the extent that you can, try not to take it personally, as that will only make it harder to resolve. It's totally understandable to have your feelings hurt over such a thing-- The amount that we love these little birds is difficult to wrap one's head around-- in some ways it is more potent than human relationships, and so it's only natural that you would feel burned in this kind of situation... But that said, you want to continue being as involved as possible without revealing any frustration or contempt-- on the contrary, you want to appear more fun and light-hearted than ever  At any rate, these situations can definitely be resolved... it takes time, but if everyone works together, you can have an impact on their preferences. That said, if all the humans in the situation don't make a plan and stick to it, it makes it much harder to impact change. But there's no need to worry-- it can be solved. And this will be a common paradigm for you-- these little guys change their preferences and behaviors regularly and often you will need to adapt. The worst thing you can do is worry about it (hard not to, I know)... Try to charge forth with confidence and patience. |
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Post by julianna on Aug 1, 2016 14:02:07 GMT -5
I remember having my feeling hurt when Oscar used to bite me. I would get really upset thinking... geezz... I do everything for you and this is what you do to me. Later I learned that it was my own fault and he was just being a Quaker.
One thing I would recommend is your BF leaving the bird somewhere and you go and get him. It is like... save the bird... and perhaps your Quaker will understand that you are a good help? I did this a few times to help Oscar and my husband get adjusted to one another. Oscar will now go to my husband if he thinks he will get a ride to come see me... or to get to his food.
Just a thought. Trust me... even though your Quaker does not show it... he does have feelings for you.
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Post by duckysmom on Aug 6, 2016 14:03:37 GMT -5
I spent 3 hours in the emergency room this morning after my little 9 pound pup got under my feet on the stairs. I took a tumble down about 7 steps. It was 5 am and I woke up the whole house. I'm ok. Nothing broken or fractured. Lots of bruises and a sprained wrist with a side of mild whiplash. Ducky had been woken up along with everyone else and he created quite a ruckus. Even in my pain, I insisted he be uncovered and I kept telling him it was ok. I thought he was just scared from the sudden noise and my cries. But when we got home from the hospital, he started whimpering and squawking and jumping around his cage. I told my BF to let him out. Well, I may be second, but I know I am loved. Ducky flew straight to me and started nuzzling me and loving on me like there is no tomorrow. He wants nothing to do with anyone but me today. So, does he know I got hurt or was it just my reassurances that has him so attached to me today? Don't know if it matters. I just know I'm loved by the little blue boy and that makes me happy.
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Post by beccilouise on Aug 6, 2016 14:15:20 GMT -5
Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your accident! I'm really glad you're ok and hope your pup is too. Regardless of who Ducky's 'chosen one' ends up being, you are still part of his flock. Quakers have huge flocks in the wild and if anything happens to them, it will be distressing. QPs, like all parrots, are very empathetic. I expect he will be worried about you being in pain and immobile. Obviously, he loves you. And Quakers' preferences will change just like ours. But I expect Ducky knows his life would be different without you and not in a good way! Glad you're ok and have got your little blue nurse to take care of you! Xxx
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Post by biteybird on Aug 6, 2016 23:51:09 GMT -5
OMG, duckysmom, glad you're OK...obviously you have enough dramatic life events to be compatible with quakers (although falling down the stairs is not quite the way to do it!). |
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Post by duckysmom on Aug 7, 2016 4:59:22 GMT -5
Bitebird, I think I'll try something a little less painful next time I want Ducky's attention! Lol. He never left me all day unless forced to and wasn't happy to go to bed. And Abby, my 3 year old pup, is fine. I hurt myself more trying not to land on her. She now waits at the top of the stairs until there are no humans on them before coming down. Strange training method, but maybe it worked.
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Post by cnyguy on Aug 7, 2016 19:27:34 GMT -5
I have to agree that that was a pretty rough way to get special attention from a parrot (and to train a dog).  Glad that you weren't too seriously hurt and hope you recover quickly, and continue to enjoy Ducky's compassionate company. |
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Post by aaron on Aug 8, 2016 13:09:28 GMT -5
Glad to hear you are okay! I can tell you that Cupcake definitely notices when someone gets injured, is sick, or crying. They are very perceptive and do seem to be responsive to these situations. It's hard to say exactly what she is feeling or expressing in these situations, but it does often seem like empathy of sorts. When someone is sick in our house, and is thus laying down for extended periods of time when they normally wouldn't, Cupcake definitely seems to get concerned-- I am not sure if she is concerned for our health or if she is concerned because she feels we are "showing signs of illness" in a way that would be detrimental to a flock in a wild setting because it would attract predators looking for easy targets. She definitely doesn't like it, one way or the next. She is often more affectionate when the individual returns to normal, so that might indicate she is concerned about us You never know exactly what they are feeling, but they are aware of a lot and they notice details and differences... and there are many times where they really seem to act out of (at least basic) compassion and personal connection... so there's a good chance Ducky knows you were injured, I'd say. |
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Post by Angela on Aug 8, 2016 22:19:49 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your little 'trip' but glad to hear you're doing ok now... Skye definitely prefers males. If hubby is home he'll go to him more than me, but will still come to me (still fickle really). I had to have him a work for a day a few months ago (before we got Loki) as we were getting our house sprayed for spiders (I checked it was ok for birds first) and the whole day we were at work he just kept flying over to the the males in the office!!! So I have no doubt that at this stage Skye prefers males. Loki just prefers Skye lol... So wherever Skye is, is where Loki wants to be lol! Unless it's dinner time then he's on my shoulder wanting me to feed him whatever is on my dinner plate!!
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Post by julianna on Aug 13, 2016 13:09:15 GMT -5
Geezzz.... sorry to hear about your fall... but I am glad you and your little pup are okay. I know Oscar shows me sympathy when I am not well but he shows none to my husband.
I don't think he has a preference with male over female because if I put him on someone's hand... it does not matter to him as long as they aren't wearing a hat or bright colors.
But of course he prefers me over hubby cause I am the Mommy and I think I am the girlfriend too... lol
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don't worry. Xx
At any rate, these situations can definitely be resolved... it takes time, but if everyone works together, you can have an impact on their preferences. That said, if all the humans in the situation don't make a plan and stick to it, it makes it much harder to impact change. 
Glad that you weren't too seriously hurt and hope you recover quickly, and continue to enjoy Ducky's compassionate company. 
