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Post by beccilouise on Jul 7, 2016 14:49:22 GMT -5
Hello everyone, I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. Maya is very friendly to both David and I at the moment. She will call when either one of us leaves the room and sit on both our shoulders. She enjoys sharing my food and seems particularly excited when I get home. Recently, she has started displaying this odd behaviour when she sits on David's hand. She will fluff herself up, turn in little circles and make a noise that sounds like "khhhhh". She also seems to crouch down on his hand a little, as if maybe she is trying to press her vent against his hand? She does this only on his hand, but still seems to want to sit with me. She calls when either of us leave the room and will happily sit with me on my shoulder and preen my cheek and hair. But she doesn't display this new behaviour in me. My anxiety is playing up and convincing me that she is bonding with David and will absolutely hate me. Obviously, I will love her whatever she chooses, but my bond with her has been so powerful in helping me manage my anxiety that I'm really, really scared of losing it. I really want to be able to take her travelling with me and for her to enjoy it and enjoy being with me and not pine away after David.  Feeling a little confused about it, which is a silly thing to feel as I know it's her choice...Not sure what I should do/expect/how I should adapt to it... |
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Post by cnyguy on Jul 7, 2016 19:41:17 GMT -5
It seems like Maya has chosen David for a mate. That is mating behavior, and might better be discouraged. When Maya starts in getting too friendly with David's hand, he should move her somewhere else-- back to her cage or playstand-- and leave her be for a while.
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Post by biteybird on Jul 8, 2016 0:07:37 GMT -5
I agree with Gary, it is a mating-type behaviour and best to divert her attention when she starts doing it.
We also have this problem with Bonnie, but different in that she attacks my husband's hand/arm/stomach without warning (after sitting with him happily prior). Recently she's also started to attack/peck at my hair and head when she is sitting on my shoulder, so when she does that I simply bend forward quickly (the 'earthquake' effect as you've mentioned before) and she has to fly elsewhere. She then loses shoulder privileges and sometimes I put her back in the cage for "a break" so it breaks the cycle of aggression.
It is really difficult to work out this hormonal behaviour. I wish I could be more helpful, but we are still struggling to understand why Bonnie behaves the way she does and I suspect that even she doesn't know why she does some things...
Try to remain calm and matter of fact in your demeanour and tone of voice, as the one thing I'm sure of is that raising your voice or over-reacting can make the behaviour escalate - at least it does with Bonnie.
Hope this is just a phase. Please let us know of any more developments...
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Post by beccilouise on Jul 8, 2016 0:19:35 GMT -5
Thanks both. Maya is not being aggressive, and still seems very happy to spend time with me, in fact, she will often choose to sit with me rather than with David, still. I don't raise my voice with her or make a fuss, as you say that can escalate the behaviour. She's nearly a year old now and so hormones are kicking in. If she's picked David for a mate, there's nothing I can do about it and it's her decision so I should not blame her for it. I'm just really worried she'll suddenly become aggressive towards me, but your advice is really good so I will try to take it and not to worry.
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Post by biteybird on Jul 8, 2016 0:28:24 GMT -5
It's good that there's no aggression. We find it quite upsetting when Bonnie attacks my husband and of course this makes it harder for him to spend time with her and therefore re-bond to the way it used to be (she used to be equally bonded to both of us). Yes, if Maya chooses one of you over the other it can be saddening, but as you say, we can't blame them for their behaviour. I guess we just have to remind ourselves that these birds have no choice about the way they live in a human-dominated world and that this can skew their responses to perceived situations. Damn hormones! Having said all this, quakers are actually very affectionate and endearing little creatures - I think Maya has an excellent chance of turning out to be a very well-balanced bird, as you and David are providing consistency, which is quite hard to do.  |
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Post by beccilouise on Jul 8, 2016 0:33:03 GMT -5
Thanks biteybird, let's hope! It's me that spends most time with her. If I'm away, David will get her out for an hour or so (as instructed) but won't sit with her beyond that. If I'm out for the day, Maya won't come out until I'm home. She is very well socialised with lots of different people so hopefully she will remain friendly with me, even if rainbows burst from her little beak when she's with David! My relationship with her is very important to me, so keeping her socialised is really key. Thanks again |
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Post by beccilouise on Jul 8, 2016 12:41:47 GMT -5
So, to update, I have been sat with Maya for the last two hours, sharing food, and she has displayed the same mating behaviour with me this evening! I think she's just an extensive flirt! David and I have had a conversation and agreed to replace her on her perch if she does this and distract her with a toy to discourage overbonding with either one of us. Clearly her hormones are just kicking in and occasionally she's getting a bit rapturous! To be expected I suppose |
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Post by aaron on Jul 9, 2016 0:31:38 GMT -5
Glad to hear there doesn't seem to be a major allegiance change... but remember, none of this is set in stone. These birds go through phases, and they can be swayed and worked with... So there's no need to worry about her suddenly changing allegiance.. I say this as someone who has worried about this sort of detail a fair amount throughout our time with Cupcake, so I understand that it isn't always easy to not worry about these unfortunate possibilites.. but whatever happens you and David will hatch a plan and sort it out |
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Post by beccilouise on Jul 9, 2016 2:48:45 GMT -5
Thanks all, it's reassuring to know that my behaviour can have an impact on this and that I should try to be proactive rather than concerned, though that's sometimes difficult with GAD, but I'll do my best! Maya pretty much ignored David all evening yesterday, but I'm away this weekend so... However, he's unlikely to spend anywhere near as much time with her as I do, so she'll probably be delighted when I get back if only because it means egg biscuit, birdie bread and playtime! Thanks for your reassurance everyone.
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Feeling a little confused about it, which is a silly thing to feel as I know it's her choice...Not sure what I should do/expect/how I should adapt to it...
