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Post by siobhan on Jul 14, 2016 18:03:07 GMT -5
Rocky has been very difficult lately. We've already been through spring hormones and he (and we!!!) recovered from that, so I don't know what this is. Lots and lots of screaming, over anything and over nothing. I leave the room, he screams. I stay in the room, he screams. I try to sneak away to go to the bathroom or take care of the other birds or get a fresh drink, he screams. And even when he isn't outright, full-blown screaming, he's whining and carrying on and after a couple of hours of that, my nerves are just as raw as screaming makes them. The poor little birds aren't getting nearly enough attention because if I leave the room (when he knows I'm at home), he goes berserk. It's making me resent him and of course, he can tell, which makes him even more whiny and screamy. When I give in and let him step up, I've had such a gut full of him and his screaming and demanding behavior (just to be brutally honest here) that neither of us enjoys the time together, and by the time I get him in bed and quiet, which is taking longer and longer, it's so late that the little birds want to go to bed, too, and I'm worn out and they're not getting the best of me, anyway. Ringo doesn't even bother trying to play with me by the time I get to her. I finally appear in her room and she just goes in her cage and wants the lights out. It's not fair to anyone. I have actually begun to wonder if we should have given Rocky up last summer when we decided this wasn't going to work. I had a place for him and we even had his stuff packed up and ready to go when we changed our minds. Now that person is having health issues and I don't want to burden her with yet another high-needs bird at her rescue when she already has several, and I'm not sure, still, that would be the right thing to do to Rocky.
I don't think this is a health issue with HIM, though. His poops and appetite and behavior otherwise are all very normal. No major changes in the household. I'm kind of at a loss what to do. Should we dig in and hang on and hope that he's just going through a phase and things will get better eventually? Should we throw in the towel and admit that our first impulse last summer was the right one, and we aren't suited to be 'too parents? The little birds were there first and deserve better than they're getting. And we deserve less stress and, frankly, disgust and frustration than we are currently experiencing. He will let Hubby pet him and give him treats but Hubby won't let him step up on him, because it invariably ends in a nasty bite, which means that I, and only I, handle him. And he wants to be handled ALL THE TIME.
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Post by biteybird on Jul 15, 2016 4:40:57 GMT -5
Hi Siobhan, sorry you're going through this...
Maybe Rocky has decided he has to compete with the other birds for your attention? I don't know.
I have no experience with this sort of situation, but it does seem like attention-seeking behaviour (although the fact that he still does it when you're with him is a bit puzzling).
I wish I could help more.
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Post by siobhan on Jul 15, 2016 10:03:57 GMT -5
He has so many issues due to what he's been through and love can't fix them all when we don't even know what they all are. Hubby calls him "damaged goods." Even if we could find a good and safe home for him, there's no guarantee that he'd stay there, and wouldn't end up, again, in the hands of some cretins like he's lived with in the past. We only know anything about two of his former homes, and I still owe one of those people a punch in the nose because we know him and know what he did to Rocky. I don't know the other people, but I'd be happy to punch them, too. Or worse.
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Post by cnyguy on Jul 15, 2016 20:37:19 GMT -5
Sorry that you're having these issues with Rocky 'Too. I'm inclined to say "don't give up," thinking of all you've done this far and how much progress you've made with Rocky. I know how frustrating and difficult it can be to have your progress come to a halt, and things seem instead to be stepping backwards. Whatever you ultimately decide, I hope things will work out for the best for you, Rocky and the other birds.
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Post by Jan and Shah on Jul 15, 2016 23:52:05 GMT -5
If I have learned anything about you, it is that you don't give up. So let's take it that you will keep Rocky. Can you speak to a vet or someone who knows a lot about toos as to what might be causing the behaviour? I know I harp on and on about this, but Tellington Touch can really help in this sort of situation. Do you think some camomile tea or rescue remedy would help to settle him? Hopefully, it is just a phase that he is going through and it will soon be over.
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Post by siobhan on Jul 18, 2016 12:03:32 GMT -5
He screamed for an hour or more after I put him to bed last night, after having been very good all day long. I had even rocked him to sleep and done all the things that usually make him settle right down. Didn't work. Nothing worked. I have given him chamomile tea and he likes it, but he won't drink enough to make any real difference. A couple of sips and he's done. This morning, he was a totally different bird. Sweet and quiet and wanted to snuggle and didn't even squawk to wake us up as usual. We woke HIM up. But then, he was probably extra tired after staying up late to scream. Tonight I think I won't try putting him to bed until really late (for him). I usually try to put him to bed first, because usually he wants to go to bed at dark, and then I can go spend time with the little birds. One of my bird friends who runs a rescue insists that Rocky is really a girl and the presence of male birds in the house, even in a separate area and of a different species, is making "her" crazy with hormones. Then why doesn't Ringo (a girl) get crazy, too? Why doesn't it affect Jade, who is not only DNA tested female, but the same species as Clyde (who has proved he is male, but I won't go into details, LOL)? And why would this only start now, more than a year after moving in, and two months after we already dealt with spring hormones? Besides, Rocky is a male. He has all the characteristics of a male according to my research. He may well be (and undoubtedly IS) jealous of any attention anybody else gets, and shrieks to make me come back because he is even needy for a 'too, and that's pretty needy. But even me sitting by the cage and trying to soothe him last night didn't stop the screaming.
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Hard going
Jul 18, 2016 12:22:52 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by msdani1981 on Jul 18, 2016 12:22:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, Siobhan. Very glad that he's in a good mood today, though!
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Post by Jan and Shah on Jul 18, 2016 17:10:06 GMT -5
I know this might sound silly, but could you take him to the vet just to have him checked out to make sure there is nothing else at play? His behaviour does sound strange. Do you think he might have bonded to you so that you are his one and only? I know Shah rubs his cloaca on my hand if I dare speak to Pippin - I assume it is a "you're mine" reaction as he stops it as soon as I walk away from Pippin. Are you able to pop him in an outside cage for a few hours each day just to distract him? Can you think of any other distractions that may hold his attention? This boy has been through a lot in his life so it may be difficult to understand what he is reacting to and why he is behaving like this.
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Post by siobhan on Jul 18, 2016 19:19:15 GMT -5
Other 'too parronts I've told about this say it's just the way 'toos are. They go through phases. They drive you to the brink and over it and just as suddenly revert to marshmallow cuddle monsters. They're 2-year-olds in feathers. It's one of the reasons that they get rehomed so much and fill rescues. People can't hack it. One parront friend said, and I think she's probably right, that they should never have become companion parrots at all. They're not temperamentally suited to live with people and vice versa.
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Post by Jan and Shah on Jul 18, 2016 20:29:48 GMT -5
So if this is normal behaviour, do you think you can handle it long term? It would be difficult to live with it given that their screams can make your eardrums bleed? But he has obviously forged a bond with you - and you with him so what's your next move?
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Post by siobhan on Jul 19, 2016 11:07:31 GMT -5
The key -- and this is the really hard part -- is figuring out what he's trying to tell me. A large number of people with parrots don't get that or want to do that. Parrots are not dogs or even cats in their philosophy and makeup. They think and plan and reason and your job is to keep up or catch up. Last night, he screamed when I put him to bed. Then he yanked the cover off his cage and screamed some more. Okay ... he's not ready for bed. Just because he's gone to bed at dark for a year and three months does not mean he still wants to go to bed at dark. I opened his door and got him back out. I sat down in "our" chair and rubbed his head. After, oh, 15 minutes of that, he very gently pinched my arm with his beak. I kept rubbing his head. He gave me The Look (you know, that look parrots give you when you're being dense) and pinched my arm again, just a wee bit harder. I said, "Are you ready for bed?" and he stepped onto my arm. I took him back to his cage, kissed him good-night, put him in and voila! He went right to bed. It seems that every time we have one of these spells of endless screaming, it means that something is bugging him and he's trying to get through to me. Curtains over HIS window were the problem once. He yanked them down. He screamed. He destroyed them and the curtain rod. He screamed more. I gave up, took down the curtains and replaced them with mini-blinds. He doesn't like the mini blinds either, but I can pull them up during the day and he doesn't mind them so much. My training continues.
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Post by aaron on Jul 19, 2016 14:20:57 GMT -5
Gosh, it sounds so frustrating. You know, I wonder if something like CBD-rich (cannabidiol) industrial hemp oil would help. It's legal and non-psychoactive and has been used very successfully to treat anxiety, pain, and post-trauma symptoms (among many other things) in other animals, including humans. I'd have no idea how to dose it.. but it has essentially no overdose potential in mammals at least.. From what I can tell its use in parrots is unprecedented, so that would be a little scary... but I take it every day, and one time Cupcake managed to fly to the counter and lick a drop of it that had fallen off the dropper before I could stop her (she shouldn't have even been in the room-- stupid on my part), and all it seemed to do (assuming she even consumed any, although it seemed like she did) was make her very relaxed and happy-- no impact on motor skills or alertness, and she certainly wasn't distressed or impaired by it in any way. The last thing I would want to do is suggest that we use substances on our birds to solve the problems we have with them-- but if a human, or a dog/cat had PTSD, or anxiety, or depression... this would be a very viable solution that would give them a lot of relief in a very safe way without impairing them. Just a thought... And that might be all it's good for--a thought  |
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Post by siobhan on Jul 19, 2016 14:37:54 GMT -5
As you point out, the dosage would be guesswork, and besides, I don't even take anything other than Excedrin and only when I have to. I wouldn't feel comfortable dosing Rocky, when I really do think a lot of this is just adjustment and cockatoo issues. I've lived with parrots for years now, but cockatoos are a whole 'nother game. He's had such a rough life for so long and he is absolutely a mama's boy, so if he knows I'm in the house and I'm not there paying homage, he actually cries and whines like a toddler for me to come. I'm his security blanket. If I don't come fast enough, the crying and whining turn into screaming. And calling back to him rarely does any good. With Clyde, for example, if he's calling for me, I can often call back and he's okay with that. Rocky isn't. He has to SEE me.
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Post by aaron on Jul 19, 2016 14:40:52 GMT -5
Yeah.. I hear you. Ugh. Wish I had more suggestions. What a massive challenge.
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Post by siobhan on Jul 19, 2016 15:01:02 GMT -5
I get mad when he's screaming and shattering my nerves and eardrums and then I feel like a heel for getting mad at a poor parrot who is only being a parrot, and a frightened, insecure, formerly abused parrot at that. I promised to love him and take care of him and never let him be mistreated again, and for all intents and purposes, he's a scared baby looking for reassurance.
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